


Look Up At The Sky

by jeongochi



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Suicide Attempt, but changbin loves hyunjin vvvv much i promise you that, hyunjin is just rly going thru a lot im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 05:56:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18424275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeongochi/pseuds/jeongochi
Summary: Hyunjin paces back and forth on the bridge, wondering why he can’t pluck up the courage to jump. He’d been thinking about it for weeks, had reoccurring dreams about finally ending his life at this exact spot, but now that he was there, he couldn’t do it. He can’t figure out what’s stopping him, so he does the only thing he thinks will help him decide. He calls Changbin.





	Look Up At The Sky

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally the shortest thing ive ever written jajsjsjsjjs but i was just in a suuuper angsty changjin mood and was inspired by the writing prompt line “can you come and get me?” and thus, this oneshot was written in one night (also i wrote it because i needed to write something in regards to a love story for my class so here we are)
> 
> thank you to addison and shelby for being my beta readers <3
> 
> tw; suicide attempt !!!!

The phone rings once, twice, and a third time before Hyunjin hears Changbin’s groggily voice groan out a “Hello?”

 

“Hyung, can you please come and get me?” Hyunjin’s voice is a low whisper on the other end of the line, the oncoming traffic just a couple feet away making it difficult to focus on his own thoughts.

 

The sound of cars whizzing by were loud enough to be heard by Changbin. Suddenly his senses were alert, concerned.

 

“Jinnie, what’s wrong? Where are you?” Changbin was sitting upright now, glancing at the clock. 2:42 am. Something was wrong. _Very_ wrong. If Hyunjin wanted to have a little nice conversation about how their day went, he wouldn’t be calling at this time, and certainly he would already be at the dorms—where Changbin was—by now. “Are you okay?”

 

There was a beat of silence before Hyunjin replied. “No…no hyung, I’m not okay,” he clutched his phone tighter, shivering from the wind nipping at his face. “Can you...can you just come pick me up? Please?”

 

Even though Hyunjin couldn’t see him, Changbin nodded, swinging his feet to the side of his bed, phone still to his ear. “Where are you, Hyunjin?”

 

Hyunjin took a shaky breath before answering. “I’m at Mapo Bridge.”

 

Changbin froze, all of his movements coming to a sudden halt. “Hyunjin...why are you there? What’s going on?” he felt his heart begin to hammer against his chest, his hands rapidly becoming clammy as he continued to hold his phone. Mapo Bridge—also called the Bridge of Death—was notorious for hundreds and hundreds of suicides per year. “ _Why_ are you _there_ , Hyunjin?”

 

Silence.

 

“Hyunjin! I’ll ask you one more time, _why_ are you there?”

 

Hyunjin couldn’t help the lump that began to form in his throat, making it harder for him to breathe. His back was still against the metal bars as his vision became blurred with tears on the brink of falling. Physically, the bars were the only things stopping him from doing what he originally planned to do, but mentally, Changbin was the one tethering him down.

 

“I-I…” he felt his voice begin to shake as he tried his best to tell his boyfriend what was _really_ going on in that mind of his. “I was going t-to jump, Changbin,” he choked out.

 

And it was at that exact moment, Changbin swore he heard his own heart shatter, fracturing and puncturing each and every single one of his organs.

 

“Hyunjin…why…?”

 

“Because...I...I didn’t think I had a purpose being here anymore. I’m not worthy enough to keep living.”

 

Changbin’s emotions suddenly flooded and convulsed within his own mind; he was shocked, and then he felt pity, but in the end, there was nothing but anger.

 

“You don’t think you’re worthy? You don’t think you _have_ a goddamn _purpose_?” he abruptly stood up, clutching his phone with such a great force that he probably could have snapped it in half. “You didn’t think you could’ve ever came to _me_ about it?”

 

Hyunjin let tears roll down his cheeks as he heard Changbin’s harsh breathing on the other side. “I-I called you because I...I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do…it’s more complicated than you thin—”

 

“More complicated than _what_? Don’t you know that _I care_ about you?” Changbin interrupted, now pacing around his room, rummaging through his drawers to find a clean pair of jeans. “ _You’re_ my purpose, Hyunjin, why can’t you see that I’d do _anything_ for you?”

 

“Changbin, I-I’m so sorry for—”

 

“I’m coming right now. Stay on the phone.” Hyunjin sniffled in response, wiping his runny nose with his sleeve.

 

They were both quiet for a while as Changbin started the car and made his way towards the bridge. Hyunjin counted the cars that passed by. He decided that when he got to car 51, he’d stand up, dust himself off, appreciate and admire the view of the distant, lively city and the lights reflecting off the water for the last time, and jump.

 

“Hyunjin? Are you still there?”

 

_46, 47-_

 

“Yeah, I’m here, Binnie,”

 

_48, 49-_

 

“Hyunjin, baby, you know I love you, right?”

 

Silence.

 

He had to do this. It would be the best for Changbin. He had to do this for _him_. It’s not like Hyunjin was unhappy with Changbin, he was more afraid of tainting his lover’s life with his own voices telling him that he was worthless, and that he didn’t deserve to be _alive._  He couldn’t drag Changbin down, and if he really loved him, he’d have to let him be happy without him ruining his life. Hyunjin had to let himself go.

 

“Please forgive me, Changbin. I know you love me, and I love you so much, more than you’ll ever know,” he rushed out, but then paused, taking a quick breath so Changbin wouldn’t be able to interrupt him again. “Please live a happy life without me.” and with that, he ended the call.

 

_50-_

 

Hyunjin stood up and faced the water, stepping on the concrete area below the steel metal bar. The wind whipped around him, causing his hair and sweater to ripple like waves, but soon enough, he felt comforted by autumn breeze. And so he spread his arms out, embracing the tranquility that was welcoming him to a life without pain and heartache. He would soon be _home_.

 

He then put his hands on the bar, and swung himself over so he could be standing on the ledge. The water seemed to be begging him to plunge into its icy, dark depths, and so he took one final breath, and prepared himself to take a step forward into oblivion.

 

But before he could, he heard a sudden squeal of tire on pavement from behind him. Without giving it another thought, he chose to ignore it, ready to accept whatever punishment or reward the entity above would give to him after the world around him went black.

 

He closed his eyes once more, and let go of the railing.

 

“Hyunjin, _no_!”

 

_That voice—_

 

_That voice is—_

 

He suddenly felt strong hands wrap around his torso, preventing him from moving forward.

 

“Please don’t go...” Changbin’s words echoed around the empty body of water below them, his voice cracking and breaking with every next word he uttered. “Hyunjin, please don’t do this, _please don’t go_.”

 

Changbin was fully sobbing into Hyunjin’s shoulders as he held onto him for dear life.

 

“Hyunjin, if I’m the reason why, I can change, I promise I’ll change if you just _stay_!” he pleaded, clutching onto the fabric of Hyunjin’s sweater. “Please, _please_ don’t leave, Hyunjin.”

 

He felt his own eyes fill with tears as he leaned his head back as close as he could to Changbin’s, feeling the older male’s body shake with gut wrenching sobs.

 

“I-I don’t care if I’m being selfish right now, the only thing that matters to me is _you_ , Hyunjin, _you’re_ my purpose, _you’re_ my reason for living,” Changbin wrapped his arms tighter around his chest. “Please, Hyunjin...without you, I’m _nothing_ , I can’t _live_ a happy life knowing that you won’t be right here next to me…”

 

It was as if what seemed to be Hyunjin’s fated destiny had cast a light on what he really should’ve been focusing on the whole time: love.

 

Being loved, being _in_ love, and loving not only Changbin, but loving himself.

 

And with that thought in mind, he did his best to maneuver himself on the ledge so he could face the only person he’s ever cared _so_ much about that it caused him _physical_ pain seeing what he’d done, and he kissed him.

 

He kissed him like he should have the last time they were together. He kissed him knowing that Changbin _loved_ him with a burning passion so deep and genuine, that it made his once icy, but now warm, tears finally cascade down his cheeks. And he now fully understood and acknowledged the true power of love. Without it, Changbin wouldn’t have picked up the phone, he wouldn’t have driven out to the bridge at a time this ungodly, and he wouldn’t have stopped Hyunjin from doing the thing he would have regretted most.

 

Changbin wouldn’t have lost him and he wouldn’t have lost Changbin, they both needed each other to _live_. They both needed each other to embrace every single one of their flaws and imperfections along with their strengths and virtues within each other, they needed each other to _love_.

 

And at last, Hyunjin’s fate finally came together as one with Changbin forever by his side.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> aaa i know the ending was kinda abrupt ;; but regardless i hope you guys enjoyed! if by any chance you have any questions, feel free to dm me on twitter @jeongochi or comment below :)


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